Potty Training: Take 3

The Man and I are making our THIRD (yes, third!!) pass at potty-training the Mini Maniac. Thus far, Mini has truly found the whole concept overrated--after all, why stop what you're doing when you can just use a diaper and someone will clean your ass at your convenience (or the smell becomes unbearable)? However, he will be 3 in exactly one month and it's high-friggin'-time. Besides, diapers are running us $40-50 per month and I'm getting annoyed by that fact.

I realize that potty-training requires patience (a virtue not bestowed upon me), but I'm at a TOTAL LOSS as to why we're having a hard time getting this kid to pee in a toilet. After all, we potty trained the Monkey with no major scars...and we did it before he was 2 and a half!

Attempt #1: Let Mini run around naked

This attempt lasted approximately .5 days...maybe less. 3 different times, he peed all over himself without even breaking stride. Dude didn't even notice that he had pee running down his leg.

Attempt #2: Thanksgiving Day weekend

Dumbass Me thought that we could manage to PT Mini while en route to Raleigh to hang with the Grands. My plan? Start him on a 30-minute schedule as soon as we got there, he'll get the hang of it by Day 3 and move him to a 60-minute schedule on Days 4 and 5, which we'll simply stop every hour, let him go potty and--voila!--he shows up at school in Big Boy Pants.

Silly, silly child-rearing woman.

Most parents would agree that PT means SITTING YOUR ASS AT HOME for a few days. The Grands do not do that well. They wanted to go shopping, to dinner, to Team Trivia, the park and we needed to stay HOME. So, for the sake of family peace and sanity (and just because it was more fun), we ditched effort #2.

Attempt #3: The Potty Watch

Thursday afternoon, after spending (yet another) $30 on diapers and wipes (and that was WITH COUPONS!!), I decided I was done. So, I went out and bought a Potty Watch (http://www.pottytimeinc.com/products.php), kid-sized boxer briefs (I really couldn't resist--they had soccer balls all over them!), and Pull-Ups.

(Sidebar: for anyone who isn't following the aforementioned link (not that I blame you. I probably wouldn't either), the Potty Watch is a kid-sized toilet-shaped watch that plays children's songs at 30-,60- or 90-minute intervals to remind the kiddo to use the bathroom)

When I picked Mini and Monkey up from preschool, I announced to Mini that I had a present for him! I got them home and showed Mini the "presents" and, Monkey (who had been extremely jealous of Mini getting presents until this moment) announced to me "Mom, that's not a present. That's underwear."

Thank you, Captain Obvious. Please go remind your father of that, since Valentine's Day is around the corner.

Friday morning, I put the Potty Watch and a Pull-Up on Mini. Every 30 minutes, he was placed on the potty and every 30 minutes, he didn't use the potty. He DID, however, have a wet Pull-Up each time I put him on the toilet (*insert head-thunk here*).

So, nap time came along and a diaper was mercifully in place. Upon awaking, Mini was stripped nekkid and, thus far, has had no accidents. The Potty Watch seems to be doing it's trick...it even seems to be working on Mommy. I'm like Pavlov's dog needing to pee every time I hear "Oh my Darlin', Clementine".

Fark. I spoke too soon. No sooner did I have that typed in and Mini comes running into the kitchen--looking so proud of himself--yelling "Mama!! POOP!!" I walk into the living room and find a turd that had its own gravitational pull.

*sigh* I'm going to take the fact that it wasn't in a diaper as progress.

He is currently running through the house naked--save his sneakers and a baseball hat. I'm on my second glass of wine (firmly planning on going for 3) and watching some horrid cartoon that's a cross between Jurassic Park and Survivor, waiting for Clementine to tell me to go pee again. Pray for me.